Home Parties – A Way to Say, “I Don’t Like You.”

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I’m very excited to be taking adult education classes again. I took a version of my new class – Business Startup, 20 years ago. The instructor was a fascinating woman with three small businesses of her own.

Her advice: Home Parties!

Long ago, when people were (more) gullible, they were called Tupperware parties. But they should have been called, “I Have Gigantic Balls” parties, because you invited all of your “friends” over, liquored them up, and sold them plastic containers. The parties had little to do with socialization, and everything to do with comparing yourself to the homeowner (completely outfitted in Tupperware) and finding yourself lacking.

What!? You don't have the pigs in a blanket organizer? No wonder your husband didn't get that promotion and your kid is in the turtle reading group.

What!? You don’t have the pigs in a blanket organizer? No wonder your husband didn’t get that promotion!

The woman running this class had her own cross-stitch pattern business in addition to selling makeup, and kitchenware from her living room. “Home parties are the key,” she said, “and you can do them with ANYTHING.”

Well, she was right AND ahead of her time.

I’ve seen expensive doll parties, knock-off purse parties, cook meals at my house parties, and yes – thank you, Betty Friedan – sex toy parties. Part of the reason I left the Y is because any other woman who struck up a conversation wanted to invite me to a home party.

(The other part is because I'm lazy.)

The other part is because I’m lazy.

Thankfully, I took ANOTHER adult education course in Time Management, which said grown people (who have trouble looking others in the eye) are allowed to make policies that outline their boundaries. Some examples were having a policy about not pet-sitting, or a policy that you wouldn’t buy a car from a relative.

I quickly made my own policy about not attending home parties, and it has served me for years.

Look, if you don’t want to be my friend, just stop returning my calls. I can take it. Don’t make me spend $140 at your house and resent you forever for the marble cheese slicer I bought when I don’t even eat cheese!

I believe the home party is responsible for the degradation of our larger communities. Would you go if you knew you were going to be ambushed by baskets or Dead Sea minerals?

From what I can tell of the New Wave of Small Business, entrepreneurs are finally putting the home party to rest, and none too soon. Now, all we have to do is collect as many email addresses as possible for direct marketing!

So, please leave your email in the comments section, friend. I’ll be sure to send you an online invitation to my newest venture.

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