The 99% at Six Flags


Dear August, just let me get one goddamned thing done, will you?

The kids “won” passes to Six Flags, so we went on Monday. Kids at Six Flags are filled with wonderment. Parents at Six Flags watch their cash drain away and can think of fifty things they could be doing instead of waiting 105 minutes to ride the Whirligig.

By the way…

Ouch Six Flags, just ouch. It costs a zillion dollars to get in. But, look at this deal from the parks department!

I wish I would’ve known about that before I bought tickets. I could’ve afforded to take my kids to the dentist this year.

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Teeth: Who Needs ‘Em?

The parks deal is better than fending for yourself with the Six Flags app or bringing a can of Coke, which is worth $15 off your admission. If you bring a bag of coke, you get in free and they escort your party to the front of every line. Six Flags calls it the Flash Pass.

It’s not easy explaining the Flash Pass system to children. I have a hard time wrapping my own head around it. What happened to the democracy? Used to be the Lake Geneva kids waited in line with the Aurora kids, and we all got along! But, time is money and money is privilege, and corporations are people, my friend…

We had a nice time at Six Flags, and as usual, I learned some valuable lessons like a cooler with ice is no match for a red dwarf star especially when said cooler is in a metal can on a vast, black surface. Also, the art of teen flirtation at amusement parks is dead because they’re all on their phones (actually, that was kind of reassuring), AND if the sign says the line is an hour long, believe it – don’t be fooled by those people moving swiftly through the entrance – there’s an enormous holding area tucked behind the ride.

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“The line really IS long.”

Speaking of lessons learned, I’ll probably take my brood back to Six Flags, and next time, I’ll invest in a pass and look for deals – I’ve since heard they come up once in awhile on savings sites like Groupon or Living Social. Until then, we’ll be making the drive north to Bay Beach. This is the ideal place for families with kids who are too young and short for daredevil thrill rides, but too old for the tour of playgrounds.

There’s still a month of summer – maybe we’ll see you there!


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