Looking for Pants in All the Wrong Places

Standard

BLOG pantsWhy is it so damn hard to find pants? I have a body with the standard number of legs. It’s different than it used to be, but it’s not different from most human beings. I still have a torso! I still have ankles! What happened to pants to make them all so…wrong?

(Please, this is not the time to bring up LuLa Roe. I’m being serious, here.)

I was never a one-brand pants kind of person. That’s why I liked TJ Maxx – you could find 10 different brands, maybe something you wouldn’t have chosen, and one or two would fit. You might end up wearing a pair of “Yuma Zumas” to work, and they might have purple zippers in random places, but they fit, damn you, they FIT.

Now, TJ Maxx’s selection isn’t as diverse, and it looks as if they have their own brands, which don’t impress me. In fact, stores like TJ Maxx, Marshall’s, Burlington, and Ross have less selection than mall stores (Gap, J. Crew, Gap… is there anything else in the mall? It’s been awhile) that were wise enough to come up with different cuts & styles. Unless you want a Shakespeare bust, then, by all means, TJ Maxx is your place.

BLOG sksp

“You should be bard from wearing those pants.” – Renaissance burn

I have very good luck at consignment stores when the time is right. If someone who is me-shaped has just come in and unloaded their closet, I’m all set. The trick is to make obsessive rounds to the shops in my area. But, I can’t always do that…

Lately, I’ve resorted to online pants-buying. I can shop in the middle of the night if I know I’ll be needing pants three to five days from now. I have to stick with certain styles within brands. I like Ann Taylor’s “Depressive” and Old Navy’s “Shoplifter.”

Even here, I have criteria. I won’t compete for a pair (my final offer is $4.80. It just is.), and I won’t pay outrageous shipping. (My ass is big, but it’s not $6.99 in fabric big. It is “large envelope” at best, thank you!) I also look for ratings, geographic proximity (leggy Texan woman do not share my Midwestern plight), and a reasonable return policy.

So there you have it. If you’ve ever wondered why I always look like Gallagher, now you know.

BLOG stylin

Lookin’ gooood!

Now, I was just on my way to get some pants. Wish me luck!!