I feel like ranting today. Want to come along?
Are you familiar with click-funnels? They’re the tiny screens on websites asking you to enter your email address for one reason or another, sometimes with some incentive like a free article, a coupon code, or something as lame as “updates” so that the site has a legal way of holding on to your personal information.
Lately, when you don’t want to opt in, there’s a snarky message like, “No thanks, I hate saving money,” or “No thanks, animal welfare is someone else’s problem” – oh, PETA… you cut me deeper than a slaughterhouse line worker.
Anyway, when I get a message like that, I usually give my laptop the finger. Go ahead, check with the NSA!
But, it’s not just online merchants that piss me off lately. It’s my hard-core Mom stores, which I shall call “Karget” and “Thol’s.” Even my grocery store seems to want to get on my list. Why, “Pack and Slave”, why??
Okay, I downloaded your apps. I have your loyalty cards. I use your coupons. That’s all I have the life energy for. Fuck with me no further! Want to give me something free every Friday? WHY must I sign into my account and download another coupon? JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN THING.
Why does Thol’s have a Yep card AND Thol’s Trash? If you need me to watch a YouTube video to explain how to shop in your store – I’m not shopping in your store if I can help it! In case you hadn’t noticed, I can get LOTS of stuff for half the price delivered to my house, so why aren’t you making it EASIER for me to save? What the actual hell?
And Karget… the WalMart of shoppers in denial… I get it, you have a credit card. And, I STILL have to scroll through thirty pages of coconut-based protein bars to download coupons? I handed you my credit on a platter, you know more of my personal information than I know about myself. Yet, I seriously have to weed through coupons that expire? No.
In the words of Dana Carvey’s George H.W. Bush, “Na Gaa Da.” Did you see me in the store today? Guess what? I ordered that kids’ birthday gift from Amazon Prime! Hahahahaha! It was two dollars cheaper than your clearance price! Yeah, feels good. Feels REAL good!
Except you know I bought your cheaper fruit cups and post-Christmas clearance soap.
But I didn’t like it.
!!UPDATE!! You know those coupons at the checkout that promise savings on future shopping orders? Here’s what to do if they don’t print… go to Catalina’s Customer Service Page and upload a picture of your receipt. They will send your savings!! 🙂 Thanks, guys!